Oh friends, it’s been such a long time, hasn’t it? As I sat down to type this I laughed because per my posts I simply disappeared for two whole seasons, and that is truly how it’s felt. I don’t naturally share a lot of personal information over the internet, but I thought this would be a good time for a very honest update. I think it’s so important to be transparent and to do my part to normalize mental health issues especially when it’s uncomfortable, so here we go.
Right around springtime I started feeling overwhelmed and knew something had to drop for a bit. I’m in grad school (for those that may not know) working on my masters in counseling psychology. While I’m finally nearing the end of it, the last few years have been difficult, terrifying, and beautiful. I’ve struggled with depression since I was a teenager and a couple years ago I finally came to a place where I could admit that I needed help. I went to therapy and started taking anti-depressants after my (extended) family fell apart. Over the summer I started slowly decreasing my dosage, and that process was truly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. No part of me felt like me. The panic attacks returned, sometimes for reasons I could identify and some as out of nowhere as the cracker isle at Target (seriously). I would, suddenly and in conversation, not be able to recall simple facts like what school my son goes to. I somehow managed to finish my term and took the rest of the summer to recover. I’ve started exercising more consistently to manage my symptoms and I meditate consistently, and while there are those familiar dips here and there I’m feeling so much better. I’m truly so happy to be back in this space with you.
So, with that, I’m sharing a cake I made late last winter and never posted. It’s an applesauce cake with cinnamon Swiss merengue buttercream and candied hazelnuts. I tweaked the cake recipe after shooting so the cake is a little less dense than the one pictured. This one can be made a couple days in advance, it’s oil-based and keeps so well. During busy weeks I love recipes I can do bit by bit, and this is one of those. The cake could be baked Thursday, the hazelnuts candied Friday, and the buttercream made and cake assembled on Saturday for a weekend get-together. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.
Sources // cake stand // server // small bowl // linen
Buttercream recipe adapted from Sweetapolita. Candied hazelnuts adapted from Allrecipes.
- 2 c (400 grams) sugar
- ⅓ cup vegetable oil
- 1 cup unsweetened applesauce
- 3 eggs at room temperature
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 2 cups (240 grams) gluten-free all-purpose flour such as Bob's Red Mill 1 to 1 flour
- 1.5 tsp baking soda
- 2 tsp baking powder
- ¼ teaspoon xanthan gum
- ½ teaspoon salt
- 2 tsp cinnamon
- ½ tsp ground ginger
- pinch freshly-grated nutmeg
- Pre-heat oven to 325 degrees. Butter 2 x 6 inch cake pans, line with a round of parchment paper (if desired), dust with flour and tap out the excess.
- Beat the sugar, oil, and applesauce in a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment on medium speed for about 3 minutes, then reduce the speed and add the eggs one at a time. Beat on medium speed until combined and creamy, about 3 more minutes. Add the vanilla and mix for 30 seconds.
- Whisk the dry ingredients together and add slowly, mixing on low speed just until combined, then scrape the bowl and beat on medium speed for 2 minutes.
- Distribute the batter evenly in the prepared pans and bake for 20 minutes without opening the oven, then rotate the pans and bake for an additional 10-15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. Place the pans on cooling racks for 15-20 minutes or until the pan is cool enough to handle.
- Run a sharp knife around the edges of the pans to loosen the cakes, then turn the cakes out onto the cooling racks, remove the parchment paper, and allow to come to room temperature.
- ½ cup (100 grams) granulated white sugar
- ½ teaspoon cinnamon
- ½ teaspoon salt
- 1 egg white plus one tablespoon water
- ½ lb hazelnuts, coarsely chopped with a few set aside for decorating, if you like
- Preheat oven to 250 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Mix sugar, cinnamon, and salt together in a small bowl.
- Whisk egg white and water together in a separate bowl until frothy. Toss hazelnuts in the egg white mixture. Mix the sugar mixture into the hazelnuts until combined, then spread onto a baking sheet.
- Bake, stirring every 15 minutes, until hazelnuts are evenly browned, 1 hour.
- 5 egg whites at room temperature
- 1¼ cups (250 g) light brown sugar
- 1½ cups (3 sticks) butter, cool but not cold and cut into cubes
- 1 tablespoon vanilla bean paste
- 1 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- pinch of salt
- 1 tablespoon plus one teaspoon bourbon (optional)
- Wipe the metal bowl of an electric stand mixer, whisk attachment and a whisk with vinegar or lemon juice and a paper towel to remove any trace of grease.
- Fill a saucepan with 1 inch of water and bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Place a metal mixing bowl over the pot of simmering water (bowl should fit snugly but should not touch the water) and add the egg whites and sugar. Stir constantly with a whisk until the temperature reaches 140 degrees on a candy thermometer or until all the sugar has dissolved and the mixture is foamy and the egg whites are hot. I dip a finger into the egg white then rub my fingers together to tell whether there are still grains of sugar or not. Remove from heat.
- Beat egg whites and sugar on high speed with a whisk attachment until the bottom of the bowl is completely neutral, about 10 minutes. Switch to the paddle attachment and turn mixer on low speed.
- Begin slowly adding the butter pieces and mix until the texture is smooth. If the buttercream curdles, keep mixing, it'll come back together.
- Add the vanilla bean paste, vanilla extract, cinnamon, and a pinch of salt and mix. Add the bourbon a teaspoon at a time (there will be a total of 4 teaspoons).
- You can store buttercream in the fridge in an airtight container for 3 days, or in the freezer for up to 6 weeks.
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